And I wonder

Here I am sitting on my bed, my computer on my lap, thinking. I am supposed to be studying, but I am distracted, because I am thinking. I am thinking about life, I am thinking about surrender, I am thinking about God. And I am wondering. I am wondering about school, I am wondering about the things I desire in life. I see God. I see His power, or parts of it anyways. I see the awesomeness that He is, and I wonder why? Why do I spend my time on school, when I could be with Him? Why do I look forward to gaining a degree, when I could be looking forward to heaven? Why do I spend so much time studying, so much time trying to go beyond, trying to excel academically, when I could be excelling spiritually? Why do I try so hard to gain the approval of man, to gain the acclaim of man, when I could be looking for God’s approval, for His smile? I don’t know, I just wonder.

I wonder about perspective, and I wonder how I can have the right one. What does God want my perspective to be? If I look at eternity, I look at eternity, really seriously eternity. That time that will go on forever and ever and ever and ever. It will never end, seriously it will NEVER end, its eternity. So if I look at eternity, I wonder, am I really living for eternity? I know that I say I am, but does my life reflect that? Are my values eternal? Because if they were, would I be doing school right now? I don’t know, I just wonder.

I wonder too, what God’s story is for me; I know that He has a perfect one. I know that He has it in control, but I wonder what it looks like. I like to think sometimes that it will be like this person, or that person, but I realize, His story is unique for me. Then I wonder can I miss out on it? Can I give in to less then what God has for me because I haven’t had the right perspective? Because I have chosen to study instead of spend time with Him? Because I have looked to gain to approval of man instead of His approval? Because I haven’t given everything that I have to pursue Him? Can I miss out on the best that He has for me because I have spent so much time pursing the good? I don’t know, I just wonder.

There is no turning back

Skipping along, singing joyfully running

Passion pursued

I choose a path

This is the way that I will take

Whistling softly

Merrily dancing on the way

Darkness overwhelming

The shadow of death

Threatening to overtake

Why did I choose this way

Why oh why

I do not understand

Darkness advancing

Fighting screaming struggling

Terror overwhelming

It is the valley

Of the shadow of death

The fear runs thick

The terror runs fast

But He said do not fear

I will be with you

My rod and my staff

They will comfort you

Remember my unending love

For it will give you strength

And I remember why

I decided to take this way

Many waters cannot quench love

Nor rivers run it dry

I am looking toward my Jesus

For He is my reward

I fight on with steadfast determination

I’m looking to my reward

This is the way I have chosen

And there is no turning back

It is too late to change my mind

Cause there is no turning back

There is no turning back

Martha and Mary

Serving, helping, giving

And all the work that goes along

Loving, caring, and entertaining

Pouring everything out

Giving everything for Jesus

Cleaning and preparing for Him

That’s the story of Martha

Her way of loving was service

She wanted everything to be perfect

She had a heart of a servant

She wanted Jesus to be pleased

So she could reach His heart

But she missed out on the best

Because she was so busy

Spending her time for Jesus

She forgot to be with Him

She saw only what needed done

And didn’t stop to listen

Isn’t that the way we live our lives

So busy with our work

We choose the way of Martha

Instead of being with Jesus

We choose even our ministry

Above just being with Him

But Mary chose the better way

She longed to be with Him

She left the work that needed done

And spent her time

On the floor,

By his feet,

Listening to His words,

And wonderfully,

She found His heart