God, I don’t understand. I don’t understand how this world goes round. I don’t understand the sun, moon and stars. I don’t understand the vastness and the beauty of your creation. I don’t understand the power of the earth. You have all the power, you created it all, you formed the animals. You made me.
And yet I don’t understand. What is the meaning behind it all? Why would you create and then leave alone? I know that you call me valuable, but what does that mean? I know that you love me, but what is the power behind that? The earth is valuable, but it is disposable. You love the animals, but they don’t have a soul, they die and are never seen again. So what about me? I know I am not supposed to be self-centered, but that is just the way of it. You created me that way. I am not accusing you, I am not blaming you, but it’s the way that I am. I am selfish, and self-seeking. I cannot be who you are calling me to be, because there is this intense weakness in me. This weakness is a curse, a powerful curse, it’s like I am cast underneath of a spell, and no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I cannot be free! I CANNOT BE FREE!!!
I don’t understand, God I simply do not understand. Why would you create me a failure? I haven’t even had a chance. I was a sinner the day that I was born.
I know that you provided for me a way. You made a way for me to be free. But try as I might to follow that way, I still cannot find that freedom. I am still sitting here in chains. Chains so heavy, chains that have weighted me down, that have ruined me. I am stuck underneath the power of these chains, and it seems that even the power of the blood of Jesus is not enough to set me free. I know that I don’t have it in me. I cannot set myself free. I can do many things. I can even go on a 40 day fast. I can fight, I can pray, I can be determined, I can never give up. But still, will I ever be free? Will I ever be able to overcome the power of this sin nature? Will I ever understand the power of Jesus that I hear others talk about? People call me determined, they respect me, they say that I follow Jesus, that His favour is over me, but I just don’t see it. If I am the strong one, and I can’t be an overcomer, then is there any hope?
I know certain things. I know principles of the Kingdom, but sometimes they are really hard to understand. I guess that is the way of things. It is called faith. Faith to believe that Jesus has called me more than an overcomer. Faith to know that really I cannot do it. I CANNOT DO IT! Will I ever understand that? I try so hard. I try so hard. I try and try and try, I fight and fight, but I cannot do it. Really I wonder when I will ever understand this, I cannot do it.
So God I come to you. I come to you with my nothingness. With all my “good” works, with my filthy rags. I come to you with all that I thought that I could do, all that I thought that I was, and I give it to you. I come broken, I come weak, I come with nothing inside of me. Absolutely nothing to give. And I come by faith. Faith that you are who you say you are. Faith that you do hold the world in your hands, and faith that you really do love me. I know that I have nothing to give. I cannot even give you my good works. I am empty, I have nothing. Nothing but faith. Faith that you will be faithful to what you have said. Faith in your promises, that you can make me clean. I don’t understand it, but I have tried with everything in me to follow you, and I have found that I cannot do it. I simply cannot do it.
I thank you. I thank you that in my emptiness, you make me complete. I thank you that even though I cannot do it, you can. You can come, you can come inside of me, you can overcome that sin nature. I don’t understand how it works, but all I know is this, I can do NOTHING, but YOU CAN!
