The pain inside
So consistently present
I keep trying to hide
It’s the sad me,
Wanting to come out
But I try so hard
To suppress the shout
The shout of pain
Of anger and fear
The confusion inside
I don’t want to hear
But she tries even harder
To be heard and be known
This pain won’t be quiet
She wants to be shown
The harder she tries
The quieter I become
As the battle inside
Becomes my tomb
Locked in with myself
And the pain run wild
I shut the world out
From this plaintive child
I become so alone
Always wrestling this pain
Trying to find peace
But it all seems in vain
I think I make progress
And I feel so glad
But then I realize
I am even more sad
I just buried her deeper
Didn’t let her speak
She is even more angry
And now wants to shriek
I try to keep her quiet
By numbing her voice
With food and movies
I don’t give her a choice
And I keep on moving
Through sadness and fear
I keep on trying
To replace her in here
The cycle continues
And I feel so caught
My tired body tries
To perform as I ought
But I am failing the fight
And I can’t go on
She is hurting me daily
This battle she has won
As I give in to the pain
Discouragement and doubt
I give her a voice
Let all the pain come out
She comes with a vengeance
Screaming in like a hurricane
She hurts me so badly
I no longer feel sane
I feel so damaged
Destroyed and alone
All by myself
In this ruin of a tomb
I stand in the wreckage
Of what used to be me
So mad at the pain
I allowed to be
I stand in the quiet
Alone and so still
I stand in the emptiness
As my eyes begin to fill
