Wrestling in The Dark

Wrestling in the dark

I don’t know what I see

Wrestling with my heart

Not knowing how to be

Anxiety and Confusion

Being thrown at me

Judgment and Doubt

For what I believe I see

Wrestling with the truth

But darkness hides it all

Trying to see its light

But blinded to its call

Groping in the darkness

Trying to find some light

Confusion is surrounding

Not knowing what is right

Believing I see the truth

But judged for what I see

Grasping for the light

Not knowing who to be

How do I live in light

Darkness pulling me apart

How do I live in right

When no one sees my heart

How do I find you God

In the midst of the despair

How do I find your truth

And believe that you care

I will continue to wrestle

The dark is overwhelming me

I will not give up though

For I know that I will see

Gone

Its in my hands, I feel in now

So close to me, inside my heart

Its in my hands, I know it now

So close inside, within my soul

And I cry out loud

A battle cry

I scream to the clouds

I yell to the sky

Because its gone

Gone, gone gone

Like a cloud on a summer day

When the sun shines and the mist fades

It’s gone gone gone

Nothing to show and nothing to be

It is just gone

So far away from me

I want it now, but cannot be

So far away I long to see

I forget the sense inside of me

When it was, back at me

But its gone

Gone, gone, gone,

Like a cloud on a summer day

When the wind blows and the mist fades

I sit in the silence

I sit in the quiet

I mourn the loss

As I decry it.

I don’t even try

No grasping or hanging on

Because like the mist

It is gone

Happiness

So elusive, so obscure

This idea to which we cling

So transcendent, so sublime

Praises to which we sing

Who are you, happiness?

What are your qualities?

Why do you taunt us?

What are your policies?

We pursue your intent

So vague, so intangible

We don’t even know you

Yet you’re so desirable

The harder we try

The more we pursue

The farther you hide

No matter what we do

But when we stop

We give up and submit

Then you somehow come

Even just a little bit

You give us hope

And we try once again

But then you are gone

And we think we’re insane

Stop altogether

And then you are there

How can we be

As we stretch and we tear

You come and you go

You tease and you poke

As if we were pawns

In a huge cosmic joke

Happiness, you are

Elusive and free

You are who you are

And that’s who you’ll be

Today

Today I sit in the quiet

Today I see into the unseen

Today I feel in the stillness

An unrest, a moving

Today I am the quiet

Today I am the unseen

Though I am not the stillness

I see from the moving

The unrest is coming

Through the quiet

Through the unseen

Forward it is moving

Today it is peace

Today it is calm

But within the tomorrow

Constant is the moving

The moving, the churning

The change and the qualm

But within each slice

Is tension between calm

Calm in each moment

But beyond it not

Silence in the present

Within the moving

The moving be present

The moving be strong

The moving be tangible

But today… it is calm

Tension

Tension between

Past and present

Tension be seen

In what is sent

Time ticking

Beyond today

Time sinking

A story to say

Sadness inside

Trying to be

Sadness abide

All throughout me

Running between

Tomorrow and yesterday

Running unseen

By the things I say

Strength arise

Inside the sound

Strength surmise

Though it pound

Crying alight

Between today

Crying at night

From yesterday

Till it is finished

Final and complete

Like it was wished

At the defeat