Light dawns

Light dawns,

And the daylight brings

An illumination

To the anger,

Dirty filthy mess inside.

In the frustration

To abide

And I’m lost

I’m lost in the crazy

Emptiness of life

I’m lost

In the mazy

Craziness of strife

It’s the anger

The mess

The emptiness

Distress

Woe is me

For I am unclean

Not only that

But filthy, dirty

And unworthy

How can I see

The truth inside

And then be lost

In this mess of life

How can I see

The glory I’m given

And still lose my self

In this life of sinning

Why the darkness

Why the fight

My heart is stretched

Between dark and light

God I cry out

For your truth to come

Let me see the glory

And be overcome

Is opportunity what brings us joy?

We chase after happiness

In this crazy hectic world

We cover our loneliness

In the business, time swirled

We think, sometimes, that we have it all

But have we failed to find our true call?

Life is opportunity

Stretching wide before our eyes

But sometimes we do not see

Our frail minds do not realize

That in the midst of our many smarts

There are countless sad and lonely hearts

Is success an illusion

That we seek to justify

Is it a false impression

That we think will satisfy

Until we get our longed-for success

And then we find only loneliness

What about the joy-filled lives

Of people that have nothing

Is it possible to thrive

By living off of loving

Can we see that deep joy like a flame

That will put our current life to shame

We have great disunity

Attempting to understand

Its not opportunity

That satisfies in this land

It is all about learning to love

And be loved, from beside and above

So let’s put away our pride

And our striving for these things

Let us learn to live inside

The glad moments that life brings

Let us allow our hearts to be changed

And in His joy to be rearranged

My Desert

You came through my desert

Through the dry dusty sands

You ran hard through the drought

To touch me with your hands

You came like a chariot

You stirred up the dry pain

Like a cloud in your path

But then brought your cool rain

You came with an army

With warriors and swords

You came with your power

To fight against those lords

Those dark lords in my life

That praise me above you

Those gods I exalted

Always trying to “do”

You came with one purpose

And one purpose alone

To capture my sad heart

My misdeeds to atone

I do not understand

I cannot comprehend

All I can do is cry

At the love that you send

You are the awesome King

King of the universe

Yet you care about me

My heart and its great hurts

You call me beautiful

And say I am your own

You have made me your bride

Your great love you have shown

I cry

I see the ache

In your face today

I see the sadness,

Through the things you say

I know the pain you feel

That flicker on your face

I recognize that hurt

Cause I’ve been in that place

It’s the pain you try to cover

The mask that you hide behind

I see through that façade

The confusion in your mind

And I cry

I cry…

Cuase I long to touch that hurt

With the glory of Gods love

I yearn to allow the joy

To come in from above

I long to give a smile

To release some love inside

I desire to give a hug

To break that pain you hide

But I am afraid

So I look on from afar

I’m scared to touch that pain

And leave a deeper scar

So I cry

I cry…

And I pray with all my heart

That His love may enter in

I cry with all my soul

The Jesus’ love may win

I want to overcome my fear

And give the best I know

I want to take the risk

And pray His love will show

So forgive my bumbling ways

I know they are not ideal

I will give my clumsy attempt

And pray His love you feel

Batter my heart!

This week for my English assignment I had to pick a poem and do a report on it. I picked the poem “Batter my heart” by John Donne. At first glance it didn’t look like much, but as I began to really study it, I began to get touched, and even powerfully impacted.  The poem goes like this.

Batter my heart, three personed God, for You

As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend.

That I may rise and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend

Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usuped town to another due,

Labor to admit You, but Oh! To no end.

Reason, Your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love You, and would be loved fain,

But am betrothed unto Your enemy;

Divorce me, untie or break that knot again;

Take me to You, imprison me, for I,

Except You enthral me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me.

At first read it may seem a little hard to understand, but upon further study, this is a very powerful poem. Donne is begging the Lord of the universe to batter his heart, which means basically to beat repeatedly; he says that all God has done so far is gently knock, patiently waiting to get in, but Donne is saying that in order for him to be able to stand as a Christian, he needs God to break, blow and burn him. This was powerful to me because so many times I feel the same way. God is such a gentleman, but sometime I wish He would just force Himself into my life. I need that battering. My heart is so deceitful, desperately wicked, and keeps on turning to the things in this world. I long for God to just force Himself in.

            Donne then likens himself to a city that has been seized. He wants to allow God in, but he cannot. He knows that he should defend reason, but his reason has been taken captive. I am like that city. I have been taken captive, and feel completely helpless to allow God into my heart. There are so many places in my life where I feel like I cannot let Him in. Sin has overtaken my heart. But yet like Donne I cry, I dearly love God, and long to be loved in return!

            In the last section of the poem Donne uses the analogy of the bride of Christ. He says that he is engaged to the enemy. He knows that he cannot be free from that engagement unless God would set him free. He is crying out for God’s intervention to divorce him from that wrong relationship. I also so so need God to set me free from my relationship with this world. I feel helpless, I am tied to the world. I am desperate for the Lord, I need Him to imprison me. I need Him to hold my attention so that I cannot look to the things of this world.

            The last line of the poem is the most powerful! Donne says he will never be pure unless God would actually rape him. He is saying that he needs God to literally force Himself upon him before he can be completely free from this world. That too is what I need. I am so helpless, so sinful, that I need God to force Himself upon me. I don’t have it in me to choose Him, I always choose the world. Even though I long for Him with all my heart, my heart is deceitful, and causes me to choose that what I do not want.

            This poem has really shown me the desperation is inside of me for God, but also the utter weakness. I need God so so badly, but I need God to come to me. I am helpless to go to Him. I am crying out for Him to invade my life! I am so thankful that He is a loving God, and that He promised that He would give me the desire of my heart. I know that He will give me the desire that I want, but so many times am unable to fight for.

The Oil

It’s the pain

Of today

Facing tomorrow

It’s the joy

Of yesterday

Piercing the sorrow

It’s the trying

To hide

For to be exposed

It’s the crying

Inside

Up to be supposed

Who says

Who says

A pattern for a way

Who’s got

Who’s got

A maybe to explain

The surrounded

In friends

Around to me compound

The emptiness

Side bends

Light present sound

The fortification

Up high

Inside to be

The olive within

Flow by

For my oil it to see

To be

To be

To run and hide

To see

To see

To live inside

The Pathway

It’s the garden pathway

Silent and tranquil

It’s the peaceful journey

So soft, so still

It’s the voyage of life

So long and unsure

It’s the journey to heaven

Noting to deter

It’s the trail God created

Implicitly unique

Each person their story

The passage they seek

Crash, it’s the thunder inside

So strong and so dark

Flash, the lighting outside

So bright and so stark

It’s the pain all around

So strong, so traumatic

It’s the destruction beside

So intense, so dramatic

I see the pain

The anger, the hurt

And I cry, I weep

The beauty turned dirt

God’s perfect plan marred

Destroyed by our sin

The beautiful path blackened

By the devastation within

But God’s path is still there

Clear through the grime

He had created it improved

From before the crime

Because now he can display

His wonderful glory

The power of His love

The joy of His story

Why can we not see

Are our eyes so blind?

Why will we not look

At his love so kind

We see the destruction

The ripping the tearing

But we fail to understand

His love so searing

Let’s look at the pathway

So serene and tranquil

Let us look at our Saviour

And in the storm be still

The Desert

Dust swirling soft and light

Little eddies round my feet

One footfall after the next

Slowly moving through the heat

The heat is so thick and strong

Like a wall surrounding me

The sweat is dripping into my eyes

Blinding me so I cannot see

One more step, I say to myself

Just one more, one more, one more

Its never enough, never there

Where are my wings to soar?

I'm dripping, and drooping

My footsteps are slower

My stamina is fading

My heart is slipping lower

But then I remember

The hope for which I came

That hope can be strong

Even when my feet are lame

Deliberately I make a choice

I decide to face my eyes

On that future day

I'm looking for my prize

I'm still in the desert

It still is hard and hot

But I know in my heart

That He will forget me not

I desperately cling to  hope

And I believe that it will give

To me that little spark

The grace to fight to live

One more step, I say to myself

Just one more, one more, one more

Its just enough, cause I know one day

I will find my wings to soar

Time

I am caught

Caught in a circle

A circle of time

Life goes round

Never enough time

Caught in the rat race of life

Caught in the busy schedule

I remember a time

When I said to myself

I never want to run out of time

Time to love

Time to live

Time to see

Time to give

And time to just be

I am lost

Lost to who I am

Lost to time

I am stressed

Never enough time

Lost to giving to those I love

Lost to knowing who I am

I know there will be a time

When I can find myself

But for now, I don't have time

Time to love

Time to live

Time to see

Time to give

And time to just be

I feel guilt

Guilt with people

Guilt with time

I am shamed

Never enough time

Guilty for not being able

To be with those I love

Someday I will have time

To show them that I care

But now is just not the time

I need to put my life on hold!

Stop.

Stop.

Everything.

And wait.

Wait.

Cause I need to hear You

I want to do only that

Which You are calling me to do

Cause then I will have time

Time to love

Time to live

Time to see

Time to give

And time to just be

It's a story

Its a story. This life. That's all it is. A story. Its a love story. Can we see it? Can we believe it? A love story between God and His children. We see the pain. We see the anger and the hatred. We see the sin. We see where man has gone wrong. We see where Satan has messed up the perfection. But do we see the story? That is what its all about. The story. Its a love story. An intense love story. One that goes far beyond the brutality of this world. It seems cliché, but its true. Life is a story. And God's love is the center. The center. The very center. But not only the center. It fills every other part as well. Because that is the story. Love. It is an overwhelming, overpowering, impossible love. But that is the story. We see the impossible pain in this world, and we say, how can that be the story. We see the intense evil, and we conclude, that can't be love. But we don't see the full story. We don't see the message underlying it all. We don't see the love. But we just need our eyes to be opened. We need to see. Because there is the power of the story. And once we have seen. Once we have seen. It is NEVER the same again. NEVER the same. This world is trivial. The pain is shallow. I'm not undermining pain, but it is so shallow compared to the love. Because love is the story. And love goes deeper than the deepest pain. Love was before pain is. LOVE created this world, and LOVE will finish this world. We CAN walk through the valley of the shadow of death because of the LOVE. Because the LOVE is deeper than death. Its the story. It is all about the story. We can face death, but what will we see. Beyond the death, beyond the pain, beyond the anger, the self-hatred, the sadness, the rejection, the loneliness, the depression. Is the story. Lets get caught up in the story. Forget about this trivial world. Lets go deep. Go beyond. Lets find the story, and ruin our lives. Ruin our lives for this world. Ruin our lives for what this world says is valuable. Because we have found the story. And our lives are changed. Changed. Completely. Forever. Changed. Because of LOVE!  

You have a story

Oh God, you have a story for me

You have a story

You have a story

Oh Father, you have a plan for me

You have a plan

You have a plan

I know I don't always see

I don't always see the truth (see the truth)

I know I don't always understand

I don't always understand you (understand you)

But I believe, I believe

I only see this world

My eyes are so blinded (so blinded)

I only see my own life

I am so self-centered (so self-centered)

But I know, I know

Oh God, you have a story for me

You have a story

You have a story

Oh Father, you have a plan for me

You have a plan,

You have a plan

So please break through these walls

These walls that cut you out (cut you out)

Please cut through to my heart

My heart that longs for you (longs for you)

'Cause I'm hungry, I'm hungry

My heart is crying out

Crying out to you (out to you)

My heart is bleeding without life

'Cause I know that I need you (I need you)

So please fill me, fill me

Oh God, you have a story for me

You have a story

You have a story

Oh Father, you have a plan for me

You have a plan,

You have a plan

Its your love

Its the pain inside that keeps me running

Its the fear that stops me still

Its the Jesus I see that keeps me going

Its the love that gets me still

I don't understand this pain inside

I don't know the reasons why

But I know, I know, I know,

That you got, you got a better plan

You want so much more for me

You want so, so much more

You wanna love me, love me still

You wanna love beyond my pain

Its the rejection I feel that keeps me crying

Its the lies that steal my joy

Its the unbelief inside that stops my trying

Its the anger that takes the joy

I don't understand this pain inside

I don't know the reasons why

But I know, I know, I know,

That you got, you got a better plan

You want so much more for me

You want so, so much more

You wanna love me, love me still

You wanna love beyond my pain

Its your love inside that keeps me pushing

Your life that give me peace

Its your acceptance that gets me loving

Its your love that gives release

One life to live

Going on in life

Faster and faster I fly

Roads are slippery

Today I may die

But thinking about it not

Confidence fills my being

Peace from the storm outside

It is God I am seeing

Time flies by,

Like a runaway train

I am going on for the ride

Hanging on, just barely sane

I'm acknowledging you

But are you first in my days

Life just goes so fast

Covered in a haze

Then ice, covering my path

Suddenly my direction altered

My confidence changed

Suddenly faltered

Slipping sliding, out of control

Nothing I can do

Life turned sideways

I'm crying out to You!

Smashing, crashing, eyes squeezed shut

Completely helpless, but in your hands

Even now you are holding me

Though I don't always understand

You are my protection

When I don't understand my life

You have a story for me

Though I am wrought with strife

You put a stop to my journey

I don't know why, nor understand

But I trust in your purpose

As I trudge though this land

Thank you for your protection

From this world around me

You took my headlong rushing

And suddenly stopped my journey

You are leading me now

I choose to trust in you

You are holding my hand

In all that I go through

Life suddenly stopped

I see you face to face

I need to acknowledge you

And slow this terrible pace

One life to live

One chance to drive

What direction will I take

How will I live my life

Love is all I have for you

Time ticks

To the strike of the clock

Heart beats

Not just empty talk

Truth lies

Searching through the time

Love lost

Or was it ever mine

Upside down

To the opposite sphere

Inside out

Maliciously torn from here

Who knows where

My heart has gone today

Time spent here

Keeping me away

‘Cause you know the story

The story of my life

You know the pain

The pain I try to hide

You know the tears

The tears from my eyes

You know love

‘Cause love is all I have for you

Life ticks

Am I losing my time

Wind blows

I have missed my line

Love passes

My time is fading

Heart cries

Is for the hating

I go on

Life doesn’t remain

Sadly drawn

Moving through the pain

Crying life

No one else to see

Run to you

You are holding me

‘Cause you know the story

The story of my life

You know the pain

The pain I try to hide

You know the tears

The tears from my eyes

You know love

‘Cause love is all I have for you

Alone

As I walk on in life
Big plans, marvelous dreams
As I accomplish much in my life
Huge visions, wonderful accomplishments
As I move forward in life
Make a way, make a difference
I realize suddenly that I'm alone

Alone, alone, so alone
Its hard to be different
To stand against the flow
Alone, alone, so alone
Its hard to stand up,
And run for what I believe in

As I follow my Jesus
Eyes hopeful, heart expectant
As I follow His example
Pouring out, giving away
As I run after my passion
Lives touched, people changed
I realize sadly that I'm alone

Alone, alone, so alone
Its hard to be different
To stand against the flow
Alone, alone, so alone
Its hard to stand up,
And run for what I believe in

As I throw off everything
Eye's focused, heart intent
As I look to my Jesus
Loving me, holding me
As I finally see the truth
Warm embrace, loving touch
I realize suddenly that I'm not alone

I'm a child of the King
Its ok to be different
To stand against the flow
I'm a child of the King
Its a gift to stand up
And run for what I believe in

Cuase I'm a child of the King
Its ok to be different

Jaclyn Van Hierden
Nov 22, 2009

I want for you to have me

Why am I so stuck in this world?

Why do I love it so much?

Empty promises swirled

I hate it, I hate it!

Angry words hurled

But still it captures me!

And it hangs on so tight

And I can’t be free!

I can’t be free from it all

I fight so hard, but it has me

God!!! I want you to have me!

I want to live for you!

My life for you to be

I want to give you my heart!

I want for you to have me!

Jesus, you are so beautiful

You are so clean and pure

So wonderfully whole

And I want to give you my heart

But sin has taken its toll

I am dirty, contaminated

I am messed up by this world

I am unclean and hated

How could you ever receive me?

Your perfection would be tainted

How could you receive me?

I am anger personified

How could you love me?

I am selfish, truly nothing

God, I’m nothing, can’t you see

I am in heavy shackles

And I can’t get free

I am stuck in these manacles

I truly cannot get free

From these prison walls

God I cry out to you

I cry out

I cry out

I cry for you to set me free

My daddy, I cry out to you

I want for you to have me

I know I don’t deserve it

I don’t know why you want me

Why you would look upon me

Cause I am covered in my feces

My own vomit is all I see

My own messed up life

This weakness inside of me

But I know that I need you

I need you

I need you

God I long for you

I know I have believed the lies

But my heart desires you

I am stuck in that deception

But I truly cry out to you

I am longing to be free

I am longing to see you

To really truly see

And to know the truth

I am longing to be free

God!!! I want you to have me!

I want to live for you!

My life for you to be

I want to give you my heart!

I want for you to have me!

Outside Looking In

Open eyes to the beauty

Love in completeness

Looking at the glory

Joy in to righteousness

Tight knit to the family

Laughter in the crazily

Outside looking in

Looking with the longing

Caring beyond the trust

Daring to the glory

Believing in the must

Lonely to the pain

Fruitless to the gain

The outside looking in

As I’m on the outside

The outside

Anger to the pain

I’m on the outside

The outside

Hopeless to the gain

The outside looking in

Rejection in the loneliness

Sadness to the pain

Running within the ache

Useless to the gain

Hurting in the guarantee

God to me will be

Personified outside in

Cause it is outside

The outside

Anger to the pain

I’m on the outside

The outside

Hopeless to the gain

The outside looking in

Existence to the alongside

Moving on the feeling

Jesus on the inside

Presence to the being

Filling the identity

Claiming in personality

Inside looking out

Inside looking out

The inside

Joy to the pain

He’s on the inside

The inside

Hopeful to the gain

The inside looking out

Stained Glass Windows

Stained Glass Windows

Over my soul

They look so good

So pretty, so full

I am a Christian

I love Jesus, they state

But conveniently they hide

All the anger, the hate

Stained Glass Windows

Such a contradiction

Looking so pretty

Hiding what is within

Covering the frustration

The doubts, the fears

Hiding the disappointment

The sadness, the tears

Stained Glass Windows

Keeping me inside

I cannot look outward

I’m willing to hide

Hide from the people

The pain that I see

Running from others

It’s all about me

Smash Those Windows

Destroy and obliterate

This selfishness inside

Show the world my state

I am so not perfect

I have to scream

I am really messed up

Things are not as they seem

Replace Those Windows

With clear glass panes

Allow others in my heart

To understand my pains

I will begin to look out

Get rid of this selfishness

Live a transparent life

And heal all this loneliness

Stained Glass Windows

Such a contradiction

Looking so pretty

Hiding what’s within

Stained Glass Windows

No longer control

Their lies are gone

From over my soul

Acid rain? or tears.

Drip

Falling, falling, falling

Faster, faster, faster

Closer, closer coming

Until suddenly splash

Flat silky waters resounding

Ripples

Emerging, Spreading,

Ever widening circles

Growing, Expanding

Breaking the perfect stillness

With impeccable timing

Pain,

Gripping as the ripples flow

Initially so intense,

But fading as the circles grow

Till only a diminishing memory

That one will ever know

Drip, drip, drip

More drops, falling faster

Breaking the apathetic stillness

This face of plaster

Drop, drop, drop

This rain is the master

Throbbing

More pain, gripping intensely

Transfixing, A red hot fire!

Burning so profoundly

Drip, drop, drip

Coming, overwhelmingly

Question

What is happening

What are these incessant drips

That down come flinging

Could it be tears and pain?

Or is it acid raining

Father

Is this an expression

Of my own acid rain

The hurt of my volition

The running I have done

The emptiness of my position

My child

These are the tears of my pain

For the lostness of this world

Your longing for earthly gain

I gently ask you to join me

It is an honor to share my pain.

Daddy

I’m sorry for my tendency to complain

I know You died for me

I want to join your pain

Though I feel it will kill me

Today I receive your rain

I can do nothing

God, I don’t understand. I don’t understand how this world goes round. I don’t understand the sun, moon and stars. I don’t understand the vastness and the beauty of your creation. I don’t understand the power of the earth. You have all the power, you created it all, you formed the animals. You made me.

And yet I don’t understand. What is the meaning behind it all? Why would you create and then leave alone? I know that you call me valuable, but what does that mean? I know that you love me, but what is the power behind that? The earth is valuable, but it is disposable. You love the animals, but they don’t have a soul, they die and are never seen again. So what about me? I know I am not supposed to be self-centered, but that is just the way of it. You created me that way. I am not accusing you, I am not blaming you, but it’s the way that I am. I am selfish, and self-seeking. I cannot be who you are calling me to be, because there is this intense weakness in me. This weakness is a curse, a powerful curse, it’s like I am cast underneath of a spell, and no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I cannot be free! I CANNOT BE FREE!!!

I don’t understand, God I simply do not understand. Why would you create me a failure? I haven’t even had a chance. I was a sinner the day that I was born.

I know that you provided for me a way. You made a way for me to be free. But try as I might to follow that way, I still cannot find that freedom. I am still sitting here in chains. Chains so heavy, chains that have weighted me down, that have ruined me. I am stuck underneath the power of these chains, and it seems that even the power of the blood of Jesus is not enough to set me free. I know that I don’t have it in me. I cannot set myself free. I can do many things. I can even go on a 40 day fast. I can fight, I can pray, I can be determined, I can never give up. But still, will I ever be free? Will I ever be able to overcome the power of this sin nature? Will I ever understand the power of Jesus that I hear others talk about? People call me determined, they respect me, they say that I follow Jesus, that His favour is over me, but I just don’t see it. If I am the strong one, and I can’t  be an overcomer, then is there any hope?

I know certain things. I know principles of the Kingdom, but sometimes they are really hard to understand. I guess that is the way of things. It is called faith. Faith to believe that Jesus has called me more than an overcomer. Faith to know that really I cannot do it. I CANNOT DO IT! Will I ever understand that? I try so hard. I try so hard. I try and try and try, I fight and fight, but I cannot do it. Really I wonder when I will ever understand this, I cannot do it.

So God I come to you. I come to you with my nothingness. With all my “good” works, with my filthy rags. I come to you with all that I thought that I could do, all that I thought that I was, and I give it to you. I come broken, I come weak, I come with nothing inside of me. Absolutely nothing to give. And I come by faith. Faith that you are who you say you are. Faith that you do hold the world in your hands, and faith that you really do love me. I know that I have nothing to give. I cannot even give you my good works. I am empty, I have nothing. Nothing but faith. Faith that you will be faithful to what you have said. Faith in your promises, that you can make me clean. I don’t understand it, but I have tried with everything in me to follow you, and I have found that I cannot do it. I simply cannot do it.

            I thank you. I thank you that in my emptiness, you make me complete. I thank you that even though I cannot do it, you can. You can come, you can come inside of me, you can overcome that sin nature. I don’t understand how it works, but all I know is this, I can do NOTHING, but YOU CAN!

I see you apart from your sin

I come through the storm

And I come through the waves

I come through the hurricane

I break through the warriors swords

And I speak to my daughter

I speak to my princess

I whisper her name through the noise

And I say, I love you

I love you through your pain

I love you through your failures

I see you apart from your sin

I see you as perfect before me

And I say; you are my daughter

You are my loved one

I see you apart from your sin

Standing perfect and pure before me

I come through the storm

And I come through the waves

I come through the hurricane

I break through the warriors swords

I saw your cry for help

I saw the pain in your soul

I saw the helplessness you felt

The emptiness in who you are

So I’m coming to tell you

Who you are in me

I’m coming to show you

The gift that Jesus gave to you

You are my daughter, my princess

I see you as perfect before me

You are my loved one

And I see you apart from your sin

And I wonder

Here I am sitting on my bed, my computer on my lap, thinking. I am supposed to be studying, but I am distracted, because I am thinking. I am thinking about life, I am thinking about surrender, I am thinking about God. And I am wondering. I am wondering about school, I am wondering about the things I desire in life. I see God. I see His power, or parts of it anyways. I see the awesomeness that He is, and I wonder why? Why do I spend my time on school, when I could be with Him? Why do I look forward to gaining a degree, when I could be looking forward to heaven? Why do I spend so much time studying, so much time trying to go beyond, trying to excel academically, when I could be excelling spiritually? Why do I try so hard to gain the approval of man, to gain the acclaim of man, when I could be looking for God’s approval, for His smile? I don’t know, I just wonder.

I wonder about perspective, and I wonder how I can have the right one. What does God want my perspective to be? If I look at eternity, I look at eternity, really seriously eternity. That time that will go on forever and ever and ever and ever. It will never end, seriously it will NEVER end, its eternity. So if I look at eternity, I wonder, am I really living for eternity? I know that I say I am, but does my life reflect that? Are my values eternal? Because if they were, would I be doing school right now? I don’t know, I just wonder.

I wonder too, what God’s story is for me; I know that He has a perfect one. I know that He has it in control, but I wonder what it looks like. I like to think sometimes that it will be like this person, or that person, but I realize, His story is unique for me. Then I wonder can I miss out on it? Can I give in to less then what God has for me because I haven’t had the right perspective? Because I have chosen to study instead of spend time with Him? Because I have looked to gain to approval of man instead of His approval? Because I haven’t given everything that I have to pursue Him? Can I miss out on the best that He has for me because I have spent so much time pursing the good? I don’t know, I just wonder.

There is no turning back

Skipping along, singing joyfully running

Passion pursued

I choose a path

This is the way that I will take

Whistling softly

Merrily dancing on the way

Darkness overwhelming

The shadow of death

Threatening to overtake

Why did I choose this way

Why oh why

I do not understand

Darkness advancing

Fighting screaming struggling

Terror overwhelming

It is the valley

Of the shadow of death

The fear runs thick

The terror runs fast

But He said do not fear

I will be with you

My rod and my staff

They will comfort you

Remember my unending love

For it will give you strength

And I remember why

I decided to take this way

Many waters cannot quench love

Nor rivers run it dry

I am looking toward my Jesus

For He is my reward

I fight on with steadfast determination

I’m looking to my reward

This is the way I have chosen

And there is no turning back

It is too late to change my mind

Cause there is no turning back

There is no turning back

Martha and Mary

Serving, helping, giving

And all the work that goes along

Loving, caring, and entertaining

Pouring everything out

Giving everything for Jesus

Cleaning and preparing for Him

That’s the story of Martha

Her way of loving was service

She wanted everything to be perfect

She had a heart of a servant

She wanted Jesus to be pleased

So she could reach His heart

But she missed out on the best

Because she was so busy

Spending her time for Jesus

She forgot to be with Him

She saw only what needed done

And didn’t stop to listen

Isn’t that the way we live our lives

So busy with our work

We choose the way of Martha

Instead of being with Jesus

We choose even our ministry

Above just being with Him

But Mary chose the better way

She longed to be with Him

She left the work that needed done

And spent her time

On the floor,

By his feet,

Listening to His words,

And wonderfully,

She found His heart