The Voice of Pain

This dull ache

The pain inside

So consistently present

I keep trying to hide

It’s the sad me,

Wanting to come out

But I try so hard

To suppress the shout

The shout of pain

Of anger and fear

The confusion inside

I don’t want to hear

But she tries even harder

To be heard and be known

This pain won’t be quiet

She wants to be shown

The harder she tries

The quieter I become

As the battle inside

Becomes my tomb

Locked in with myself

And the pain run wild

I shut the world out

From this plaintive child

I become so alone

Always wrestling this pain

Trying to find peace

But it all seems in vain

I think I make progress

And I feel so glad

But then I realize

I am even more sad

I just buried her deeper

Didn’t let her speak

She is even more angry

And now wants to shriek

I try to keep her quiet

By numbing her voice

With food and movies

I don’t give her a choice

And I keep on moving

Through sadness and fear

I keep on trying

To replace her in here

The cycle continues

And I feel so caught

My tired body tries

To perform as I ought

But I am failing the fight

And I can’t go on

She is hurting me daily

This battle she has won

As I give in to the pain

Discouragement and doubt

I give her a voice

Let all the pain come out

She comes with a vengeance

Screaming in like a hurricane

She hurts me so badly

I no longer feel sane

I feel so damaged

Destroyed and alone

All by myself

In this ruin of a tomb

I stand in the wreckage

Of what used to be me

So mad at the pain

I allowed to be

I stand in the quiet

Alone and so still

I stand in the emptiness

As my eyes begin to fill

Numb

My heart is frozen

As if numbed with anesthetic

My emotions are dazed

Like my whole body is sick

So much confusion

So much pain

I don’t know how to function

Or how to stay sane

Alternating with numbness

Emotions galore

Fighting and jostling

Each one wanting the floor

Don’t know how I feel

Or what’s happening inside

Just know that I’m broken

Someplace I cannot hide

I don’t know how to feel

One moment I’m completely numb

Not feeling anything at all

The next, to emotions I succumb

I hate all this pain

I despise what I’ve had to do

I just want to be free

To love like I want to

Can’t I find love for me?

Why do I just have to give

And then when I finally get back

I am required to leave?

It doesn’t make sense

This stupid confusing world

It is simply not fair

Complaints and accusations hurled

I try so hard to do right

But it seems completely wrong

My heart ends up shattered

And still I don’t belong

I don’t have anything left to give

I feel broken beyond repair

I’ll put one foot in front of the other

Trying to pretend to care

I pray one day to see

The hope beyond that pain

I believe one day will be

A joy beyond the insane