Tuesday, October 22, 2013

God, I don't understand


God, there is something inside
That says I cannot believe
In whom I think you are
In the truths that I perceive
 
There disillusionment with you
In the faith that I profess
Because of the pain I see
And somehow dare to confess
 
I’m angry with this world
And the unfairness that I see
There is confusion swirled
In whom I want you to be
 
Why do you leave your children
In darkness and despair
No matter how they pray
They seem to grasp at air
 
Why do you leave your created
Those who don’t believe in Christ
To an eternity in hell
With an unending Geist
 
I don’t understand your love
And how you say you care
When you reject you own
I don’t know how you dare
 
I’m angry with you God
And I barely dare to say
Because you have power
You always have your way
 
I know you are God
And who am I but man
I know I don’t understand
That somehow you have a plan?
 
I don’t see the whole picture
And thus I am angry
I only look at the injustice
And the pain I see so clearly
 
I know there is more to the story
Simply because there has to be
And so I choose to trust
Even though I cannot see
 
I trust in a God I do not know
A God I cannot perceive
I place myself in emptiness
A vulnerability to achieve
 
You may reject or hurt me
I truly do not know
If I go off of what I see
That’s what records show
 
So trust it is, but shaky too
But it’s all I have to show
From a lifetime of living
The path that Christians know

Sunday, June 2, 2013

I see your face


I see your face
Every day on the street
I know who you are
But never do we meet
 
You are a foreigner to me
With circumstances so strange
I wouldn’t know how to relate
Settings would have to change
 
Then one God-ordained day
My path merges into yours
I get to see you who you are
And live the life that’s yours
 
We spend time together
I get to see your dreams
I know your hopes and plans
And the way that life seems
 
But then the truth comes out
Our paths have to divide
I must go to my house
In my security abide
 
I leave you in the place
The place that you call home
I go to my sterile house
And I leave you all alone
 
Alone in the pain
The confusion and the striving
I leave you in that place
Alone in all your fighting
 
I want to reach out
To help you in some way
But I’m stuck in my life
The responsibilities of today
 
I will pray for you
As well as I know how
I will love you too
I know God is in you now
 
So I say goodbye
Goodbye to you today
I pray your life gets better
And you find God on the way

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Path of Victory


It’s the path of victory
This path that I’m on
It’s the inevitable result
Because of God’s Son

I know the battle is fierce
I know the pain is tough
But I know the result
I will end up in His love

It’s the path of victory
This lonely road I walk upon
But the warrior’s heart
Gives me a constant song

I don’t see the result
I don’t understand this way
But I know the end
Will be a glorious day

So I face the loneliness
The confusion and sadness
With a bounce in my step
The future in my gladness

I know it’s the path of victory
Although I do not see the end
I know it’s the right path
Because He is my Friend

It’s the path of victory
This path I walk upon
I’m looking to the day
The brightness of my Dawn

Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Fathers Heart

Jesus asks me, "Jaclyn, do you want to go deeper?" I say yes and he takes me into the fathers heart. I don't know how else to explain it, but it was a huge heart, and it was beating. Kinda like in the magic school bus. So I'm in his heart, and suddenly I feel his love for his children, its like there is a different revelations of his heart every step I take, every place I touch and this heart is so huge I know that it would take all of eternity just to begin to explore the depths of His heart! In his heart is his unbelievable love for his children, as I run my fingers along the sides, I start to see faces, the faces of many different people from many different cultures, and I realize that each one of these individuals are the only one that can bring joy to that part of the fathers heart. Some of the pictures are filled with joy and some with such extreme sadness I want to cry. It makes me long to bring the love of Jesus to these people, so I can gladden the heart of God. And then in another place in his heart are scars, a whole bunch of scars, and I realize that those are the people who rejected him, who spit in his face and mocked him and mocked the gift of his Son, and I see the price that father had to pay for love. It makes me want to weep. Then Jesus comes in and holds me in his arms, Jesus wants to take me away. I guess to protect me from the pain, but I want to stay, I want to know the Fathers heart, I don't want to run in the face of pain. I want to know my Father better, so I can love Him better. I ask Jesus if its ok that I stay, and he says "yes". I sit down, I don't even know why, but I just want to stay. I know that I'm not touching his pain at all, so I just sit and wait. Then I see a picture of a little girl, her back is turned to the father, and she is walking away. I feel the pain in that picture, and I long to call her, to draw her, to bring her back. But I cannot, I cannot reach her, she fades from view. I sit back down to wait. Jesus comes to sit beside me. I wait, I wait. Then I decide to sing a song. I stand up and start to sing. I can see the words and music come out of my mouth and I see it touch the scarred places in Father's heart, and where the words touched them, they started to get healed, to come to life. I realized that this place in Jesus heart is my sphere of influence, that I can bring healing by my joy. That every person I come into contact with is in Fathers heart, and by touching them I can touch my father.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Reality?


She walks through reality
Of what she sees as life
All she knows is pain
She’s surrounded by strife

She tried to escape
But there was no way
Reality was too strong
And it truly made her pay

Suicide was not a success
All it earned was extra pain
A discouragement profound
And simply more shame

But then she met love
A power so strong and deep
She met the Lord her God
A love that made her weep

But now she is in a mess
She doesn’t know how
To truly absorb that love
And still live in the now

Two realities fighting
In the depth of who she is
She knows what she sees
And wonders how it’s His

Two realities are pulling
At the core of who she is
Can she let go of what she sees
To the truth of what He says

Finally she purposefully lets go
Of all that experience screams
She steps into the unknown
Into His true place of dreams

Is she going crazy?
She truly doesn’t know
She really doesn’t care
His reality has to show

So she cries as she waits
In the place of the unknown
She waits for her lover
So silent and alone

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Faith

            I’ve been wrestling with the concept of faith for the last couple of weeks. I don’t think I understand it, it is such a deep subject, but there are some thoughts that I have had. I figured I would write them out.

I guess I will start with Luke 17:5. The disciples see their lack of faith, and cry out to God “Increase our faith!”, Jesus’ response is a little strange. He doesn’t give them a “yes” or a “no”, or something they can do. He basically tells them that they don’t need more faith. He says “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you”. A mustard seed is very small, so it would seem that it’s not about the amount of faith. It is not more faith that they need, but something else.

I started looking to the following verses to find what that “something else” could be. Vs 7-10 states “Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Would he not rather say, ‘prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.” This section of scripture has always puzzled me. I thought it was referring to us as God’s servants, specifically because of the last verse. But I began to think about it in another way. What if the servant is creation, and we are the Master? That we have authority over creation and it must obey us. The miraculous then should not be shocking, it should be expected, like a servant simply doing his duty. It seemed like somewhat of a radical thought, but I decided to search it out more.

First I came to Psalm 8:4-8 “What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.” This verse basically states that God has given us authority over all of creation. God has made us the master, creation is the servant.

I still wanted more, especially in regards to authority, so I looked up Luke 7 where Jesus was going to the centurion to pray for his servant. “He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: ‘Lord, don’t trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come’, and he comes. I say to this servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.’ When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, ‘I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.’ Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well.” Vs 6-10. Why did Jesus say that the centurion had such great faith? It was because he understood authority. He knew that all it took was one word from someone who had authority, and he knew that Jesus had the authority. I find it interesting that in the first passage when the disciples asked Jesus to increase their faith, he also talked to them about authority.

What is it about authority that we do not understand? The centurion knew that Jesus had authority, and that’s where his faith came from. Do we need to know that we have authority? Jesus says in Luke 10:18 “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” Is our problem not necessarily that we need more faith, but we need to use the faith that we do have; we need to see and understand the authority that Jesus has already given us?

Or to put another spin on it, what about the fact that Jesus is in us? John 14:20 “On that day (when Holy Spirit comes) you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you”. So, if Jesus is in us, would that not mean that all the authority that he has would be inside of us as well? Maybe it’s not even realizing our own authority, but realizing His authority, and the power of that authority inside of us.

So could it be that faith for the miraculous is not so much about trying harder to “believe” in something, but simply understanding our authority. It is understanding “his incomparably great power for us who believe” Ephesians 1:19; knowing that we already believe in his ability to do it, we now need to believe in our ability to walk in it.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Fire Walk


I walk down the path
The path of pain, the path of fire
And I really wonder why
These flames keep getting higher

The pain is so intense, so raw
It scalds my entire being
Deeper and deeper it burns
These flames are seething

I run and I try to hide
I scream and I wretchedly cry
I fight and violently shake
I really don’t understand the why

Is this what love looks like
Is that what I’m called to
Is this the pain of what it is
And all that it has to do

Jesus I’m looking to you
You are the perfect picture
In love you gave everything
In devotion you were sure

Your love goes far deeper
Than any pain I can see
Your love is far greater
I know it covers me

The flames are subsiding
I’m finally seeing your grace
My selfishness is gone
With only ashes in its place

I pick up those ashes
And in brokenness I turn
I give this gift to you
It’s the love I had to learn

I have nothing else
Nothing left to give
But my undying love
And the ashes on my grave